How to Handle the Workplace Instigator Without Losing Your Sanity
You know exactly who I’m talking about. The workplace instigator.
That one person at work who throws verbal grenades just to watch them explode. They drop an offhanded comment, stir up a debate, then sit back and enjoy the show. It’s not about problem-solving—it’s about entertainment, control, and feeding their own ego.
For bus drivers (and many others in high-stress jobs), these instigators are next-level exhausting. You start your shift focused, ready to do your job, but before you even leave the depot, a verbal wrench gets thrown at you, someone lobs a conversational bomb into the room:
🗣️ “Man, you hear what management is doing now? Total disaster.”
🗣️ “Guess who’s getting all the easy routes again?”
🗣️ “I wouldn’t be surprised if half of us are out of a job soon.”
And just like that, your energy shifts. You’re irritated. Distracted. You can feel the tension building before you even get behind the wheel. How do we handle this without going insane?
These people? They thrive on the reaction. They’re not interested in facts or solutions. They just want to poke, prod, and stir the pot for their own amusement.
So, What Do You Do?
As Robert Sutton says in The Asshole Survival Guide:
“Assholes are like cockroaches—shine a light on them, and they scatter.”
Let’s flip the script. Here’s how to deal with workplace instigators without getting sucked in:
1️⃣ Recognize the Game (and Don’t Play It)
- Instigators bait you into an emotional response.
- The trick? See it for what it is. A game. A power move.
- When you stop reacting the way they expect, they lose interest.
💡 Your Move: Respond with neutral curiosity instead of taking the bait.
🗨️ “Interesting take. What do you think should be done about it?”
🗨️ “Huh. What’s your solution?”
Most instigators don’t have a real answer—they just want to stir things up. This forces them to either backtrack or expose their own lack of depth.
2️⃣ Use the “Gray Rock” Method
This one is GOLD.
- Keep your responses dull, bland, and uninteresting.
- Give them nothing to work with.
🚍 Example:
Instigator: “Can you believe they’re screwing us over with these routes?”
You: “Yep. Anyway, have a good shift.” (Then walk away.)
This method kills their fun. No drama? No entertainment for them.
3️⃣ Control Your Energy—They Don’t Deserve It
- Ask yourself: “Is this conversation adding value or just draining me?”
- If it’s draining you, exit gracefully.
🚦 Quick Escape Tactics:
✅ Time excuse: “I gotta prep for my shift—catch you later.”
✅ Headphones in: Instant “do not disturb” sign.
✅ The silent nod & walk away: Sometimes, less is more.
4️⃣ If It’s Persistent, Call It Out (Strategically)
Some instigators double down when ignored. That’s when you shine the light on them.
🚍 Example:
Instigator: “Man, you’re always so quiet—what’s the deal?”
You: “I just don’t waste energy on conversations that go nowhere.”
Ouch. That puts the ball back in their court.
5️⃣ Strength in Numbers—You’re Not Alone
- Chances are, everyone knows who the workplace instigator is.
- If they’re making things toxic, team up and shut it down.
🚍 Example:
Instigator: “This company’s a joke, man.”
Coworker 1: “Alright, what’s the solution?”
Coworker 2: “Yeah, what’s your plan to fix it?”
If enough people stop reacting, their power disappears.
Final Thoughts
Workplace instigators will always exist. But once you recognize their game, you don’t have to play along.
✨ Save your energy for things that actually matter.
✨ Shut down the noise before it affects your day.
✨ And remember: If they don’t get the reaction they want, they’ll move on.
💭 Have you ever had to deal with a workplace instigator? How did you handle it?
Drop your thoughts below.