How Did I Get Hooked?
There’s a moment after a toxic relationship ends—after the dust has settled and the drama has died down—when you finally catch your breath… and feel completely lost.
That moment came for me after a relationship that left me in a fog of confusion, heartbreak, and deep emotional fatigue. And one question kept playing on repeat:
How the hell did I get hooked?
Understanding how I got hooked in a toxic relationship
This wasn’t about blame or labels. I wasn’t looking to rehash how awful the other person was. I was looking for something deeper—understanding.
Because unless we look at how it happened, how can we rebuild the confidence to trust again—especially to trust ourselves?
The quiet ways toxic relationships begin
When we’re empathic, generous-hearted, and maybe even feeling a little out of place in life, we can be vulnerable to the kind of person who sees that as an opening—not to connect, but to control.
When I moved to a new city and started a new job, I didn’t know the routes, the culture, or the people. And when a senior driver started showing up—randomly but “helpfully”—I felt seen.
The hook?
“We have something in common.”
That soon became, “We have so much in common.”
He mirrored my emotions and picked up on my past and gently shaped his story to match mine. He said I was unlike anyone he’d ever met. Through confiding in me, I thought he was sharing actual pain and insecurity, and that triggered my compassion—and I assumed we were building something real.
Why empathic people are targeted
I didn’t know it was a performance and I was being watched. As a result, my empathy was being measured and tested for a target of manipulation.
At the time, I thought I was helping.
His thinking was that he was winning.
Toxic relationships don’t always start with red flags.
They often start with small hooks—disguised as shared pain, connection, or chemistry.
Rebuilding your confidence after a toxic relationship
If you are like me and have wondered how you got hooked into a toxic relationship, you are not alone or weak for caring about yourself.
You just need to know:
I found another way to see this.
I reclaimed the trust in myself and you can do the same for you.
We’ll talk more about that tomorrow.
